...from the Washington Post annual competition to ask readers to provide alternative definitions for common words for the following: 1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent- mindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavoured mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.